Nigerian dancer and singer Korra Obidi has opened up about the lessons she learned from her marriage and shared 10 things she wishes she knew before getting married.
Obidi, who said he married at 26 and divorced at 31, shared the lessons in a video posted on social media.
She said her experience taught her to pay close attention to how a potential partner treats her, how their behavior makes her feel and the type of person they become in the relationship.
According to her, love should not leave a person constantly anxious or negatively affect their well-being.
“I got married when I was 26. By 31, I was already divorced. Here are 10 things I wish I knew before I got married,” she said.
1. Pay attention to how their love makes you feel.
Obidi advised people to observe how they feel about the person they intend to marry, noting that someone can love them while their form of love remains toxic to their well-being.
“The way they love you, how does it make you feel? Do you feel anxious or do you feel alive? Some people may love you, but their love is toxic to your health,” he said.
2. Observe how they treat you when you are vulnerable
He urged people to pay attention to how their partners respond when they are sick or vulnerable.
Using the example of telling a partner that you are unwell, Obidi said the response could reveal how understanding and caring the person would be in difficult situations.
“Pay attention to how they treat you when you’re vulnerable, when you’re sick,” he said.
3. Pay attention to how they respond to your success.
Obidi said a person’s reaction to their partner’s accomplishments could also reveal a lot about the relationship.
He advised people to determine whether their partners are truly supportive of their success or become critical, controlling or uncomfortable when they start to excel.
“How do they respond to your success? Do they support you? Do they encourage you or criticize you?” she asked.
4. Pay attention to who you become when they are with them.
The dancer said people should examine the version of themselves that emerges when they are with their partners.
According to her, different people can bring out different sides of an individual, and it is important to determine whether one likes the person they become in a relationship.
“You have to pay attention to the person you become when you’re with them,” he said.
She added that people should ask themselves if they like the version of themselves their partner presents, as it could become more prominent after marriage.
5. Think about the power dynamics in the relationship.
Obidi also urged couples to consider how power is distributed in their relationships, including who makes important decisions, controls finances and determines religious practices.
“Always think about the power dynamics in your relationship. Who makes the decisions? Whose money do we spend? Whose religion do we follow?” she said.
He emphasized that power in a relationship should be mutual and that one person should not feel small for the other to feel powerful.
“Submission does not mean subjugation,” he added.
6. Make sure you have the freedom to express yourself.
Obidi said people should consider whether they feel free to speak and express themselves within their relationships.
He encouraged people to ask themselves if they feel unable to speak or if they have the freedom to express their thoughts and opinions.
“What is the power dynamic? How do you feel? Do you feel like you can’t speak? Do you feel like you are in a place where you are free, you have freedom to speak and express yourself?” she asked.
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7. Stay financially stable
The dancer also advised people to build financial independence through their careers and ensure they are able to take care of themselves.
“From a financial standpoint, make sure you stay grounded in your career,” he said.
Obidi stressed the importance of being able to support yourself, regardless of the circumstances of the relationship.
He said people should not find themselves in a position where another person has complete control over their physical, mental and financial well-being.
8. Don’t ignore warning signs
Obidi’s experience also highlights the importance of paying attention to warning signs before getting married.
He encouraged people to observe patterns in their partners’ behavior rather than dismissing concerns in the hope that things would change after marriage.
According to her, marriage does not automatically change a person’s character, so it is important for people to be honest with themselves about what they see before making a lifelong commitment.
9. Know yourself before you get married
He also emphasized the importance of understanding oneself before entering into marriage.
Obidi advised people to know their personal values, boundaries, expectations and goals before committing to a partner.
He noted that having a clear understanding of oneself can help people recognize whether a relationship is healthy and whether they are genuinely compatible with their partners.
10. Don’t lose yourself in marriage
The dancer further advised people not to completely abandon their individuality after getting married.
He highlighted the importance of maintaining one’s identity, career, interests, and support system while building a life with a partner.
According to her, marriage should allow both partners to grow rather than requiring one person to lose themselves in the relationship.
As he reflected on his own experience, Obidi said the lessons had changed his understanding of love, relationships and marriage.
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